2020 was QUITE the year!

When I chose my theme for 2020 as being “Accentuate the Positive,” I had no idea just how divinely guided and appropriate it would be for the year to come. While all of my annual themes have taught me a lot throughout their individual years, no theme has been as vitally important as this one was.

Focusing on accentuating the positive created the space where I looked for what was positive in every situation. The 267 images that encapsulate the year show the various positive aspects I experienced. It was a year of…

Another round of intense introspection and self-transformation, which included enrolling in talk therapy with an actual licensed therapist, something I haven’t done since 1998.
Lots of paying attention to the sky, sunset, and mountains. Their ever-changing beauty inspires me.
Starting a new art modality: Paint Pouring. This also inspired me to begin a new kind of REVELution, which I successfully filled and hosted on March 21, just as the entire world was going into lockdown.
Speaking of lockdown… nothing could have prepared any of us for #Quaronatine2020! What a bizarre experience that has been.
I stayed healthy all year long – even with a life-threatening virus rampaging around the world. UNTIL December. Then The Rona coursed through our household, taking down one person at a time. It wasn’t fun and I still feel the effects of its presence.
I spent a lot of time with my two daughters that live with me – BY CHOICE – not just because we were “forced” to with the stupid quarantine.
I did a lot of yummy cooking because I had the time to.
I did that “stand your broom up on its bristles” experiment and marveled at the science of it.
I had a really difficult time (still am) with all the terror, death, and non-truths that are all around the planet.
I fired my last client in my executive support business in February, chose to focus on seeking new clients that were more ready for what I offer, and within three weeks of that choice, before I could get it rolling again, The Rona put a halt to it. By April 1, that business was fully closed down.
My healing business came to a grinding halt in March, after my first painting REVELution. I was devastated.
I did a huge tie-dye project, had a blast, and created my Creative Space in my unfinished basement. I love how it turned out!
The first quarter of the year saw Harmony filled with loved ones regularly. She has been sad with lack of visitors we have had since April. It’s just not right.
We played a lot of board games.
The Great Panicdemic of 2020! There was a run on ALL cleaning items, toilet paper, butter, flour, sugar, rice, and frozen food. It was horrifying to watch the insanity.
I spent countless hours watching videos about paint pouring and other art modalities because it delighted me, and I needed to be delighted frequently this year among the madness.
And then… EARTHQUAKE! Seriously. We had a large earthquake in Utah in March, just days after Utah went into lockdown, and it was followed by weeks of aftershocks.
Working with the government on getting financial support because my businesses shut down due to Corona was a full-time job. Seriously. Jumping through all the hoops to get support for my business – AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR IT BECAUSE IT KEPT MY BUSINESS AFLOAT THIS YEAR – put me in overtime and was so exhausting.
The world is weird now. It is odd to see all the “stay 6 feet apart” signs and masked faces everywhere. It feels discombobulating to me.
I had a lot of people near to me get sick, die, and have babies. I was unable to be present for any of it.
I rested beneath blankets at all hours of the day this year for many, many hours.
It was so exciting to be “present” for Summer Solstice at Stonehenge this year. I am grateful that they live-streamed it since no one could be humanly present because of the worldwide lockdown.
I developed high anxiety with huge panic attacks this year. That wasn’t fun and has required a lot of focused work on myself and with my therapist to get it mellowed out.
Spent a lot of time at hospitals – although not inside them – and at doctors with my mom because she fell and broke her back around Mother’s Day.
After nearly 11 years of fighting with the Utah Department of Corrections, I hit my stride in full Warrior Queen mode and called down all the magic I could muster. This resulted in me taking on Inmate Placement Program, the Board of Pardons and Parole, and Adult Probation and Parole to get my sweetheart released.
CHARLES CAME HOME! It was surreal and has been a surprisingly awkward and difficult adjustment. I am so grateful for the magic I worked in that process and the miracle that it is. Never, in the history of UDOC, has it worked like it did. But, I was fighting passionately to protect him, get him out of a facility that had a full-on contagion where over 30% of the inmate population was infected. They went from 3 cases on a Monday to 100 by that Friday. I wasn’t having it! And I did not give up until he was home.
Kaitlyn got an emotional support animal. Fëlysus came to us when he was about six weeks old and has lived with us since July. I love having him around!
I cried so much this year and so hard.
I did a lot to distract me from how miserable I was feeling.
I returned to basics frequently, practicing awareness and gratitude with vehemence.
I had to adjust how I did a lot of things. How I used to operate in this world was no longer working, so I had to find new ways.
I learned new things, watched interesting series, and questioned a lot of what I once believed. Again.
My femininity woke up after being dormant for so long. I suddenly wanted to be a woman again… fancy hair, fancy nails, makeup. It was a startling experience.
Charles spoke at a dinner of legislators, Senators, and powerful people. It was awe-inspiring to be witness to him in action.
There were so many hoops to jump through when Charles got home. Most of it was time-consuming, tedious, and disorganized. It really tried my patience.
We went camping at Bear Lake the week after Charles got home. That was a new and fun experience for me.
Charles hit the ground running, his business has taken off, and there has been so much to do in support of that. At times, I have felt overwhelmed and lost. Other times, it has felt exciting and powerfully purposeful.
I did a lot of organizing, a lot of purging of stuff I no longer needed or wanted, and a lot of rearranging inside Harmony.
There has been a lot of dream building with Charles. He inspires me to stretch. The last 4 months of 2020 have been one great big, long stretch.
Magic happened in October when I created the biggest deal I’ve ever created, with Charles’s guidance and negotiation skills, and I purchased a RAV4. Her name is Penelope Anders.
I hosted Thanksgiving again this year. It was a much smaller, quieter crowd, but it was beautiful, nonetheless. Best part: Charles was there to celebrate with us!
Charles treated he and me to a staycation over Thanksgiving weekend down at The Grand America. It was a luscious experience!
And… for the first time in 21 years, I received a kiss or two at midnight on New Year’s Eve from someone who pressed their lips to mine and whispered, “I love you.” Charles made that wish come true for me.

As 2020 comes to a close, I have been questioning the Universe about what would stretch me, teach me, and support me the most in 2021. Toward the end of November, I uncovered a startling fact about myself in therapy: I don’t trust happy. As I explored that, I discovered that I don’t have a lot of truly happy memories and those that I do have are embedded with a voice that says, “Just watch and wait; the happy will evaporate really soon.” And… it does. The other thing I discovered was that my “happy” seems to be dependent upon having another person present; I no longer remember how to generate happy from within me.

I was infuriated – and wanted to keep negotiating with Them to change it – when They told me that my focus would be on HAPPY. I rolled my eyes the first time that message came through, I fought it, and finally, after several weeks, I surrendered. It made sense to me, in a sad way, that the 365 days to come would be focused on me learning how to DO and BE Happy. It will be about me turning Happy into an active verb.

I am grateful that 2020 is coming to a close. There were some hard times, some great times, and huge miracles within this year and I am so curious to see where 2021 Happy leads me!