Are You Hearing Me?

The blade of the shiny-new pocket knife buried itself in my daughter’s fingernail and sliced open her cuticle. She gasped, turned chalk-white and burst into tears as brilliant red blood splattered on the cement all around her feet, leaving a vibrant trail from where she stood to where we sat. Gratefully, my uncle and his step-daughter are trained and prepared for any emergency. She whipped out the first aid kit from her baby’s stroller and the two of them doctored her up in no time flat.

For days now, I have been playing Nurse Nora for my daughter – unwrapping and wrapping her finger; washing her hair; doing up zippers, etc. My mother suggested wrapping my daughter’s hand in a sandwich bag so she could shower without getting her injured finger wet.

She slipped the bag over her hand, giggling about the whole scene. I wound a band around her wrist, patted her hand gently and said as she stepped into the shower, “Okay, it’s wrapped up. Now try not to get your hand in the water.”

She immediately turned around and led with her wrapped hand straight into the shower stream, the water pinging loudly off the plastic bag.

“What are you doing?!” I hollered more loudly than necessary.

“What?” Her eyes were wide and innocent. “What’s wrong, momma?”

“Did you even hear me?”

“Yeah,” she said sweetly, completely baffled by my anger. “You said now my hand wouldn’t get in the water.”

I was dumbfounded.

There are times when I think I am speaking clearly, but the people that are listening just aren’t getting me. Like that moment before she entered the shower, for instance. I had thought I was very clear. She had heard me differently.

One of the cornerstones of healthy communication is being 100% responsible for expressing my thoughts and feelings in a way that others can understand me. That concept has been a difficult stretch for me. How can I be responsible for how another hears me?

Had I said, “Even though it’s wrapped, you still need to keep your hand out of the water,” I am fairly certain she would have heard what I meant. There was something about the phrasing, “try not to get” that was unclear. Being responsible for being heard really comes down to the words I choose, the tone I use and the willingness to keep trying different ways until the other person understands me.

©Angie K. Millgate 5/15/08