| Best Friends Forever… |
When I was eleven years old, there was a boy who didn’t quite fit in. He came from the poorer neighborhood and always seemed to be on the outside of the crowd. I would watch this boy, never knowing what I could do to help him feel loved. I wasn’t brave enough to stand up to the other kids who would pick on him, so I would just smile at him, hoping that my smile would be enough. Years later, we crossed paths again. He became my best friend and I discovered he was the kind of man who would go to the ends of the earth for me. He was a beautiful gift in my life and, when he passed away a few years ago, I was fairly certain I would not be able to go on without him. Even now, after all this time, the memory of him comes to me and I smile and miss him terribly. I have not had a lot of close friends in my lifetime and the loss of him left a noticeable hole in my circle. As of late, I have been thinking about friendships and wondering… what, really, is a friendship? Does being a friend mean you tell the other person exactly what they want to hear or does it mean that you are always honest, even if you know that your answer offered in honesty is not what your friend really wants to hear? I have had many friends who have said, “Angie, you never agree with me.” So I have thought about that. As a friend, am I supposed to always agree? I rarely disagree merely for the sake of disagreeing. I say rarely because I know there is one person in my life with whom I continually disagree and dig in my heels, even if I am wholeheartedly in agreement with him. He and I, more often than not, seemingly take the opposite stance and debate it until we are blue in the face. With my other friends, though, I resort to honesty. My idea of friendship is that I give you the honest truth. If that dress looks horrific and you ask me for my opinion, I will tell it to you as nicely as I can. If you want to jump off a cliff and I can see certain death in your path, I will tell you what I see. And, if you ask me for feedback, my truths will lead out. I often wonder how friends can be friends if they are only telling one another what they each want to hear. How does one build trust with another if the conversations are fabricated stories created to boost the egos? It seems to me that a true friendship – and true love – requires solid foundations which are built on time, trust and honesty. That young boy whom I have loved since I was eleven taught me that being true to my self is the only way to be. And while some friends don’t find that comfortable, my true friends know that they can always count on me to be honest with them. That, I suppose, is my definition of friendship. Honesty, even if it’s not the popular answer. ©Angie K. Millgate 3/30/08 |
