Choosiness

Choosiness

(For those of you who read my blog, this will be a familiar read.)

I discovered recently in a Life Skills class – and I am well aware that what I am about to write sounds absurdly cliché – that I am more into the journey rather than the destination. We were talking about choice and that every moment is an opportunity to choose again. We did a few experiential exercises around accomplishing goals and how choosing different “ways” of accomplishing these goals changes the process.

The first way was to take a HUGE leap toward the goal, hoping to land in the goal itself. I heard all sorts of mind chatter: I am never gonna make it. It’s too far. I’m too little. I am going to crash and burn. I’m never going to get there. There’s no way. Too far. Too big. Unsustainable.

I know myself well enough now to know that HUGE steps never work for me. I try HUGE shifts and I get freaked out midway and fall flat on my face, usually. I also know that HUGE shifts, for me, are too easy to cop out on and go back to my old ways. I knew this before even trying, but I tried anyway, just to see.

I leapt with all my might, noticing that I held my breath in the process. I landed in a wobbly one-footed stance and obviously short of my goal mark. Placing my other foot on the ground and finding my balance, I shuffled to the end with a faux cutesy smile on my face, frantically looking around to see who had witnessed my failure. So like my life… if I am just cute enough and nice enough and move gently enough then no one will notice I fell short and everyone will love me and think I am amazing. Ugh. So tired of that pattern.

The second process was to reach the goal through baby steps. I discovered this one felt congruent with where I am in my life. I felt happy and light and as though every step was sustainable. I never wobbled. I never looked around to see what other people may be thinking of me. I danced and I laughed and I felt good! When I arrived at the goal mark, where my partner was standing, we embraced one another with giddy laughter and I heard myself think, “I made it! It was SO easy!”

And then, there in the embrace of one of my best friends, I realized that most of all it was the connection I made with her at the end that was interesting to me. It wasn’t the completion of the goal. It wasn’t even, really, the journey although that was incredibly easy and fun. It was that spark of connection and love and friendship that did it for me.

Then, like a bolt of lightning, I was hit with this: if I choose to focus on the connection factor in my life rather than the actual goals, then everything will be easeful and fun.

I feel SO excited by this!

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