The party was amazing tonight! I felt grateful to be back amongst my friends… my crazy, crazy friends where anything is possible and anything goes. I have missed that energy in my life. Desperately. I felt happy to be able to cuddle and talk and laugh and touch and be… just be me. I didn’t realize how much I missed the energy of that group until I walked in and found myself surrounded by it again.
I am grateful I went, even though I had misgivings about going alone. I am grateful, especially, that I went alone. Come to find out, almost everyone came alone and I was grateful that I did not have anyone that I needed to make sure they were “doing okay” in a crowd of strangers.
I am grateful I was there to witness with my eyes and ears all that is happening for my friends… one friend is flying out on Monday to spend two weeks with her son whom she adopted out 18 years ago. Another friend has just landed a monthly column in a local cool publication. Another couple of friends have gotten together since I last saw either of them – it is an amazing match. Another couple of friends chose this night to do an official “divorce” ceremony in front of us wherein they burned their marriage knot and consciously chose to leave the relationship in love. It was a breathtaking experience to watch a break-up go so… lovingly.
The friend who landed the column also realized she is completely in love with the man she has been with for several years. She had thought she wasn’t… she had been all caught up in her stories of why he wasn’t good enough for her and why he didn’t love her enough. Suddenly, she discovered that it was simply that… her stories and now she has come to know that no matter what it takes, with him is where she wants to be. She said, “I realized that my soul is happy when I am with him.”
Listening to her, I found myself longing to feel that. I wanted to have someone in my life whom I could say my soul feels happy when I am around them. I became aware that, after almost 10 years post divorce, I am really ready to welcome in love.
I have spent the bulk of 2007 getting to know myself and understand who I am. I have found my anger – by god! I have so found my anger – and I have come to discover that I can actually feel my anger and that is a good thing. I have learned that a lot of what I am carrying around with me in the form of over-excessive weight is my anger that I have held onto. And I feel sad about that.
The amazing thing is… everyone with whom I spent time one-on-one with tonight said these exact words to me, “Angie, wow! You look amazing!” One of my friends actually said, “I can see in you that you have changed so much. I look forward to watching the rest of your transformation and I feel that it is coming around the corner… it’s next year! I can see that you have really stepped into who you are. You are beautiful, radiant, ready… you!”
I stepped in front of the mirror tonight, before removing my makeup and taking down my hair. I studied myself closely and let it all sink in.
I am ready!
