I am a woman who prefers Evergreen relationships – meaning, my closest relationships are nurtured from both parties. I know I require presence and communication and touch for my relationships to excel. Since I devote vast amounts of energy and loving attention to nurturing the relationship, I expect – yes, I said *expect* – the other person to do the same so that our relationship thrives.
Conversely…
I am a being who processes the Darkness, transmuting it to Light. I am well-versed in the art of going into the darkness, finding those who are seeking release, and guiding them out. I am The Phoenix, which means I call forth Death and Dying. Sometimes, these two aspects of me require that I go into solitary confinement for a bit so I can get clear. During this time, I am absent from all relationships, except for my daughter. She is the only one who has been able to consistently walk through the darkness with me. During these times of darkness, I fold in my wings and refuse to touch anyone, reach out, or connect.
After these times, when I resurface, some of my cherished relationships have changed or fallen away altogether. And rightly so. I stopped nourishing them. My love for these people has only grown, but if they could not hold the space for me while I was sequestered away, they tend to walk away. Those who have stayed, our relationship is all the more delicious and powerful.
It takes immeasurable strength to be in close relationship with me because I show up fully and without end, expect you to do the same, and then I “disappear.” It takes a great amount of trust on the other person’s part, they have to be willing to implicitly stay in their own lane and not take anything personally, and if they want to be in love with me then it requires impeccable accountability. Being in relationship with me is one long practice of living Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements.
I am fully aware that I am a walking contradiction and #IAmACatch, even still.
