I am an emotional creature. I’m very conscious of the emotional realm, what it does within me and what happens when I don’t keep things flowing in that realm of my life. When I come to realize that I’m teetering out of balance, with my arms waving wildly to keep me from toppling over, 99.99% of the time it is because I’m blocking an emotion. Generally, when I find myself in that situation, if I grab myself by the hand and go within – that place that is sometimes a very scary and dark place – I can unearth something I need to be accountable for to clear the space and get things flowing again. Sometimes it’s an agreement or commitment I’ve broken. Sometimes it’s something I haven’t said and the emotions that are wound up in those words. Sometimes it is a series of thoughts I’ve had sparked by another’s words or actions. Sometimes it’s a memory that has surfaced that holds locked emotions that need to be expressed. Sometimes it is something in myself that I’m unwilling to face. Sometimes it’s emotions caused by my own fabrications based on misconceptions and misunderstandings.
What I’ve come to understand – and eventually arrive at, when I remember that I already know this stuff – is that, for me to stay balanced, I need to stay present with myself. I need to have a clear understanding of my own boundaries – AND a willingness to stick to them. I need to LOVE myself SO MUCH that I am only willing to accept that which is loving to me in my space. I need to know myself. I need to be aware of my thoughts, emotions, words and actions and, not only be aware of them, but be accountable for them.
This life IS my gift. It is what I’m here for – to live it and LOVE it. When I find myself feeling drained, exhausted or really super bitchy, it’s time for me to check in to see where I’m blocking my experience of life. It’s also time for me to get accountable and really look at the truth of things as they are. For instance… Perhaps, hanging out with that particular person is no longer a good choice… if I’m walking away feeling like a limp, sour, grimy dishcloth, it’s probably not a good idea to keep investing in that relationship. AND, most importantly, what am *I* contributing to that relationship? Am I clear about what I’m getting out of it and why I’m there?
These are some of the things I think about when I’m tumbling through the air to the mat below the balance beam…
