When this song came out in 2003, my best friend told me this was his song to me. He said then that he would never surrender and never give up on us. At that time, we were in the thick of this roller coaster ride of torment and healing, love and hate conversely, and so much division and impossibility that I simply laughed, rolled my eyes, and said, “Yeah. Whatever.”
In 2009, he made a series of choices that changed the direction of his life, my life, and the lives of all of those connected to us. It was the most devastating thing to be witness to and experience. It turned my world inside out, upside down, and topsy-turvy. All that I had relied on, vanished in one fell swoop. Every construct of stability I had leaned against, evaporated in a flash. Every ounce of “security,” was gone instantaneously.
I ached with the void left by those choices he made. I was angry. I was terrified. I was so sad about the choices he had made that I simply could not see my way clear. The darkness I was in during that time was suffocating.
Recently, he reminded me of this song and said, “Remember when I said I would never give up? I still mean it. Even during all of those years that I remained silent to you, or acted out in horrible ways, or when I made those choices that changed our lives forever, even after all THAT, I have always known that I would never raise a white flag where you are concerned.”
He asked me to look at the lyrics again, to listen to the song, and to remember that there are some loves that merit the price that is to be paid when you choose to go down with the ship.
Through forgiveness, I have folded up the white flag. I have chosen to board the ship. And I have chosen to understand and be aware of all that is within this ship. It IS my transformation.
White Flag by Dido
I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it
Where’s the sense in that?
I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can’t talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of “it’s over”
Then I’m sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I’m sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I’ll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I’ve moved on….
I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
Song White Flag
Artist Dido
Album Zeroes Heroes
Writers Rick Nowels, Dido, Rollo Armstrong
Licensed by SME (on behalf of Rodeo Media); Spirit Music Publishing, ARESA, CMRRA, ASCAP, PEDL, Warner Chappell, BMG Rights Management, UMPG Publishing, UBEM, UMPI, and 21 Music Rights Societies
