Dear Sensitives and Creatives,
Are you feeling over-extended? Do you feel taken advantage of? Do you feel depleted and drained?
Do any of these sound familiar in regards to your friends, family, business dealings, and intimate relationships:
- I give way too much.
- I am always giving; they are always taking.
- My relationships leave me drained.
- They are taking me for granted.
- This feels one-sided.
- I don’t have the energy for this relationship.
If you can relate to any of those above statements, it’s time to get real with yourself. What I’m about to say to you may be difficult to hear and if you’ve been practicing those ways of thinking for any length of time, the most common response is, “But that’s not fair!”
I invite you to be gentle with yourself. Take several deep breaths, get in your body, and calm your center before you read on.
Okay… welcome back… here we go!
Your experience of being depleted in relationship is of your own creation and has NOTHING – let me repeat… NOTHING! – to do with the other person.
All of those statements indicate that you are not present for your experience and are, instead, inside everyone else’s experience or out of your own lane. Think about driving your car down the highway. If you’re paying attention to everyone around you and not focused on driving your own car, you will often swerve and veer all about the road. Same happens in relationships. If you’re focused on what everyone else is or is not doing, you will lose track of what is going on for you and you will begin feeling lost, confused, and drained.
Additionally, all of those statements above are completely UNACCOUNTABLE and this way of thinking is so destructive in any relationship.
More often than not, especially with Sensitives, it isn’t actually a matter of “all give and no take,” but is instead a matter of not receiving. Frequently, the other person in relationship with you has NO idea that you are experiencing the sensation of being drained, but they can sense that you’re unwilling to receive what they are giving to you so they feel frustrated. Because you are so focused on how much you’re giving and doing versus to how much they’re taking and not doing, you are shut down to receive. And that is all about you, baby! This becomes a cycle of you feeling drained, them feeling frustrated, and then resentment builds and a chasm develops.
You being the “giver” and them being the “taker” is your perception of the relationship and it is rarely – if ever – the truth. In fact, if you think you are the “giver” and the other is the “taker” and you were to ask that “taker” how they feel, they would most likely tell you that they are the “giver” and you are the “taker,” or at the very least, they’ll say they continually give, but you’re not receiving it.
Any time you experience yourself as being depleted, it is an opportunity to look within and see where you are being unaccountable. If you discover that you’ve set up yourself to be drained, it is your responsibility to stop the drainage and get back in your own life! Get accountable for your experience. Stop blaming the other person. And, if it is a relationship you want to keep, you sure as hell better be honest with them and own up to your previous blame and unaccountability. If you choose to leave a relationship because “you don’t have the energy for it” then make sure you are accountable for your departing actions and let that loved one know that you’re leaving for you and not because of them. Be honest with them and be clear. Choosing to leave a relationship hanging for an indeterminate amount of time without any explanation as to your disappearance is just as damaging as being unaccountable and refusing to receive.
If you feel like you’re over-giving and everyone else is taking, it is time to start looking at ways you can start receiving and loving yourself. It is also time to put your focus on serving instead of giving, which is an entirely different energy.
So, as a recap, here are the suggestions for ending the cycle of overextension that leads to exhaustion:
- Look within yourself for the source of your exhaustion.
- Get accountable NOW!
- Stop blaming the other person/people.
- Be honest and update the other person/people.
- Willingly receive.
- Focus on serving, rather than giving.
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I always welcome your thoughts, questions, and comments.
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