In my last post, I shared the experience of having a client dispute a charge she had paid me for services rendered. I thought I would follow up with what has happened since so you get the full picture…
I had mentioned that I did what had to be done and I let go, moving on into my life and remaining focused on what kept me in alignment with my Purpose. Let me be clear, though. The “moving on” part only happened after I recognized that I had emotions surfacing about the experience, felt those emotions, and expressed them in ways that felt authentic. Then I let go. Rather than creating a build up by denying the emotional component of the situation, I chose to face right into it and feel it. That step is vital because we are spiritual beings having a human experience, by choice, in one vehicle – our body. Any clog of anything in our system stops up the entire machine. In the past, I lived a life that was completely stopped up and, now, I choose to be fully alive and this requires flow.
Another thing that I want to point out is… this whole “feel the emotions” process lasted only a few minutes. It didn’t need to be a grand production that was dragged on for hours, or even days or weeks (trust me, I have pulled that off before many times!) All it took was me paying attention to what was going on inside me and doing what felt natural to do, in that moment, to get the emotions moving. In this situation, it was crying, but it doesn’t have to be crying. Emotions can be expressed easefully in ways that are unexpected. Being willing to follow impulses is the most genuine way to move emotions and, in that moment in that situation, gentle tears did the trick.
Also, I had to be really honest with myself and get accountable for my part of the situation. Rather than blowing smoke to make a screen to hide behind, I had to be willing to look at the fact that I had, actually, completely fulfilled my end of the agreement. I had to be willing to pop myself out of my old pattern of “Oh! I am not good enough!” and really look at the truth. I had done all that I could do and could confidently, truthfully say that I had done all I could. That moment, when I allowed myself to actually be… enough just as I was there and then… was the moment that I released myself.
It took another 24 hours before my client actually contacted me, but by then I had found such peace that I’m certain that any outcome would have been fine. Granted, it would have been nice to not have to refund the money. It would have been nice to not have to terminate a working relationship with a client. It would have been nice to not be thought of as someone who didn’t have integrity. All that would have been great, but I had released myself so well, I had no attachment to the outcome.
When she finally did contact me, it was to apologize and to say that she was not disputing my fee and she had no idea that I had got caught up in a mess on her end.
I laughed when I learned this. I laughed and then I cried, happily this time.
I laughed because I had already released myself and the money attached to the situation and now it was like I was being paid again. I cried because I could see myself in another lifeline still holding on to the anger, frustration, and angst caused in the misunderstanding and being in a space of combat and blame. I could see how ugly the experience had been for the Me in that lifeline and I felt such gratitude for the Me in this lifeline that had chosen Love and to live what I am teaching.
There are times when we all are faced with situations that evoke emotions so big and self-doubt so deep that it can take our breath away. In these times, DNA programming and old patterns of thought and behavior kick in and it really does take a very conscious choice to do something differently.
I imagine that you have heard it said, “Insanity is doing the same thing while expecting different results.” If you don’t like the life you are experiencing, change your thoughts, change your emotional responses, change your beliefs, and change your life. Interrupt the old patterns with something you actually want to experience. Practice it until it becomes second nature like this experience I have shared with you over the last couple posts.
Being willing to change begins the transformation process.
How willing are you?
photo credit: h.koppdelaney via photopin cc
I always welcome your thoughts, questions, and comments. Feel free to jot down what you’re thinking in the comment box below.
