Loving Me, Loving You

I felt happy receiving the messages and was especially grateful for the fact that my action had created an influx of love and gratitude, which grew exponentially. Interestingly enough, I even received messages of love from people to whom I had not sent the text. Apparently, sending out the messages to just a few people had opened the floodgates for me to receive more. I realized, again, that I am truly the creator of my life.

The simple fact that I was receiving responses surprised me. That hadn’t been my intention. I just wanted these people to know they were important to me. Once I got over the awed feeling as I watched the love pouring in, I began to relish the progression. Some of the notes left me with a curious mix of feelings, “It must have been because my kids kept me up all night.” Others lit me up like fireworks, “Thanks honey, I love you too,” and “WOW! I feel really warm inside when I think about our friendship and about what it is blossoming into.” Others brought me quiet joy, “What a way to start my day… Words from an angel!”

The response that surprised me the most, though, was only three words, “Sometimes I wonder.” The abrupt, curt nature of the words momentarily took my breath away. I stared at my phone, feeling the tears gather. I had assumed that my message would be received as warmly as it had been sent. I hadn’t expected any responses, but I definitely did not expect anything that tart. I trembled with sadness and anger and began to type a scathing retort.

And then, I took a deep breath and looked for a different approach. Turning it around, I tried to imagine what this person could have been feeling when they typed their response. The tears gathered faster and I felt infinitely sad. This person was hurting, deeply. We had had a disagreement earlier that day and, apparently it had left this person questioning my feelings.

I was sad that I had left the relationship dangling on the precipice of misunderstanding. I wondered – and have continued to wonder since – how I could more gracefully disagree with this person, or anyone else, all the while leaving them with no doubt that I love them. Indeed, I know that it is the other person’s responsibility to decide how they feel about a situation. However, it is my responsibility to clearly express my feelings and to do so in a way that the other person hears me.

I am confident there is a way to lovingly disagree and I am seeking that for my life. I am who I am because of all that I have experienced in my life. Deeper than that, I am who I am because of the people I have loved. I am who I am because of the people who have loved me, supported me and those that still do. I am willing to open my eyes and admit that I still have lots to learn so that I am able to convey to those I love just how much I do love them.