Personal flashback moment…
Mentor: you’re not ready for this work yet.
Me: YES! I! AM! Look at me! I’m ready!
Mentor: Not quite. Still some stuff ya need to do. Some accountability pieces…
Me: BUT! BUT! LOOK AT ME! I’m doing it right! I’m doing everything right.
Mentor: Yeah… that’s my point… external focus…
Me: BUT! I AM READY! PLEEEEEEASE! Let me do this! Let me do this work.
Mentor: You’re not ready. There still some stuff you need to look at within you, stuff that you’re not recognizing, stuff you’re ignoring, and stuff you are putting on other people. You’re not a match for my work.
Me: Yes! YES I AM! PLEEEEEEASE! See all I’ve done… see all the work I’ve done. See all the meditating. All the reading. All the studying. All the thought process changing. I just need to figure out why this and this and this aren’t working and how to do it right and… please! I’m SO ready to do this work with you.
The mentor finally relented.
And ya know what? I *wasn’t* ready.
Because I was longing for acceptance, I created the worst hell for myself that I could have ever created and I went kicking and screaming the whole way through the process. I spit myself out on the other side of that work feeling betrayed, violated, abused, and broken. It took me a very long time to recover and to heal the original stuff *and* the new stuff I developed while in that abusive process. And *I* was the perpetrator.
Back then, I wanted to do *everything right* and I was so externally focused that I had no idea where *I* was in my own equation. And so I entered into many abusive experiences that I kept telling myself were “love.” I wanted so badly to be “picked” and to be “liked” that I pretzelled myself beyond recognition and I often went against my own intuition to get someone to pick me. I wasn’t willing to listen to that mentor who was lovingly saying “no” to me. I kept negotiating until that “no” changed to a “yes” and it was unhealthy and demoralizing.
Perhaps you’re like me and you like to learn and transform “the hard way.” Begging a mentor to take you on when they’re saying you’re not a match is a pretty good guarantee that you’re heading for the most difficult path possible.
When someone says, “You’re not quite ready for the work I do,” you have a choice… be grateful that they are letting you off the hook, turn tail, and run away as fast as you can… -OR- negotiate like hell and get them to change their answer and then hold on for the rockiest ride of your life.
I’m here to share that going “in” when you’re not ready, is one of the most hurtful and laborious ways to heal. Choose with awareness.
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I always welcome your thoughts, questions, and comments.
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