The stillness is a much-welcomed respite from the constant barrage of sounds and energetically perceived need for interaction. I am alone to simply be. There is no mind-numbing, persistently cloying drone of the television. I do not have the yearning to yell: SHUT THAT FUCKING THING OFF!
Truly, I realize I have become a “Quiet Snob.” I require quiet downtime. I require stillness. I now require organization… that last one startles me. It is a totally new development since I emerged from the refiners fire.
I long to sleep naked without feeling guilty that I am doing something bad in my father’s house.
I want to feel at home.
I want to be able to cook what I want to cook, when I want to cook it and eat it where I want to eat it.
I want to be able to park in a garage – or even a driveway or carport – and be able to open my car door completely, without slamming into stuff. I want to be able to exit my car without fearing I will shear off my feet as I sidle around the push lawn mower and duck under the weed wacker which is hanging precariously on the wall.
I want to be able to take a bath and walk through the house naked afterwards.
I want to have Home Magic again.
I want to be able to stay up as late as I want without fearing I will wake the woman who would be awoke by a dropping feather.
whaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am grateful I have shelter as winter draws near.
I am grateful to be able to become aware of that which I want to create in my life.
I am grateful for the image of an herborium and hardwood floors and fun socks for visitors to wear that reminds me of why I made this choice.
I am grateful for a bed that is more comfortable than the one I threw away before I moved.
I am grateful for their willingness to open up their home, rearrange their space and change a few patterns to accomodate us.
Gratitude will get me through this…
