So I started out this year, 2010, full of hope and excitement. Today is Wednesday, January SIXTH and I’m already faltering. I find it really interesting how quickly I can lose track of myself as I move through the experiences I’m creating. I feel SO scared and SO sad about what is in my near future.
Now, truthfully, I know that *I* am the creator of my reality. And, sadly, I’ve created a reality that is scary, difficult and lonely right now. And, at this point, I’m taking myself back to square one and CHOOSING to focus on the basics. It seems that, time and again, I’ve missed a few blocks in my foundation. Soooo… I start over. My building cannot stand on an unstable foundation and, as I’m crumbling down around myself, I’m realizing that sometimes foundations have to be completely dismantled before a long-standing structure can be built. Sometimes, even many, many times.
And, truth be known, the future isn’t here and a lot can change between now and then. I know this. And I AM in the present. Right now. And in this moment, I CAN focus on what I’m blessed with…
I’m blessed with a room in my father’s warm house wherein my daughter and I can sleep safely in a soft bed.
I’m blessed with a fully functioning body and a creative mind.
I’m blessed with the gift to hold space for large groups of people wherein we are focused on positive thoughts and transformation.
I’m blessed with artistic ability.
I’m blessed with knowing.
I’m blessed with a keen mind.
I’m blessed with a loving heart.
I’m blessed with a sharp eye.
I’m blessed with the gift of motherhood.
I’m blessed with a lot of people who love me.
I’m blessed with the ability to cry and laugh.
I’m blessed with a car that is runs well, gets good gas mileage and is fairly new.
I’m blessed with unemployment benefits.
I’m blessed with a few dollars in my wallet and a few in my checking account.
I’m blessed with this laptop and my father’s WIFI.
I’m blessed with big lessons and big learnings and big stretches and big successes.
I’m blessed with the ability to breathe on my own.
I’m blessed with glimpses of what will be.
I’m blessed with a box of several sets of contacts so I won’t run out for a long time.
I’m blessed with clothes that fit.
I’m blessed with the ability to walk, run, dance and leap.
I’m blessed with an amazing family.
I’m blessed with a cell phone.
I’m blessed with blankets and pillows and slippers.
I’m blessed with the privilege of a hot shower or bath.
I’m blessed with the ability to read and write.
I’m blessed with a passion to teach.
I’m blessed with all five (six) well-working senses.
I’m blessed with a few very close friends with whom I can be myself.
I’m blessed with an open heart.
I’m blessed with hair on my head and I usually like the way it looks.
I’m blessed with healthy breasts.
I’m blessed with the ability to rest and sleep well.
I’m blessed with BEING ALIVE!
I feel grateful.
