Sooooo… I was perusing the internet, looking for pictures of Santa. Surprisingly enough, I came across many pictures of Santa with children who were completely freaking out. The image of children in the middle of a critical meltdown while upon the Jolly Old Elf’s lap was stunningly commonplace. This one above (which is linked to the owner’s blog) really caught my eye. Is it wrong of me to get a great big belly laugh out of this image???
What is it about Santa that sends our wee ones into gasping, hiccuping, slobbering fits of siren-high wails? Is it the beard? I have heard mothers try to pawn their children’s hysteria off on the fact that Santa has a beard. Now, I wonder, does same said child fall apart in the city streets each time a man (or woman – now that would be a reason to cry) walked by wearing facial hair? I think not.
Is it the ho-ho-ho signature laugh? Well… maybe. Although, that doesn’t seem all that scary to me, even if I try to put myself in the shoes of a three-year-old. It’s just some really weird laugh. And why, I ask of you, why in the hell does Santa laugh with a “ho ho ho” instead of a “ha ha ha” or a “he he he” like everyone else?
I can’t imagine it’s the obese form encased in shimmering red velvet or the black boots or the white fur-lined cap. Well, perhaps it is the fur. The children are wailing because they assume Santa has killed their favorite bunny rabbit.
Yeah. Riiiiiight.
Or, could it be… dare I say it… that our children actually intuitively know that this Santa story is all a bunch of bullshit? They have already figured out that they are being lied to continually by the people who are supposed to be honest with – and demand complete honesty from – them. The children have listened to the outlandish stories and have logically concluded that it is an impossibility and – gasp! – even worse, a fraud and their parents are smilingly going along with and perpetuating the entire freak show.
My bet is on the last one…
