This morning, as I drove back home after taking Kait to school, I was listening to the morning show on 97.1 and giggling along with Frankie, Jessica and DangerBoy as I am wont to do when these guys are on. They were having their listeners call, email and text in to share the length of their “dry spells.” Now, for those of you who have no idea what that is because you’ve never been there, then YAHOOO! for you. For those of you who DO know because, like me, you HAVE been there more often than you’d care to admit… yeah… here’s a hanky to blow your nose and wipe up those tears of grief.
Definition of Dry spell according to AngieDictionary.com: (noun or verb, depending on how you look at it, although a verb indicates there is supposed to be some form of action taking place… so I guess we better stick to noun.) any significant period of time – be it minutes, days or decades – where one goes without any sexual activity; said person in said dry spell gets to decide how many minutes, days or decades must pass before one may stipulate that said person has hit a dry spell.
Some of the dry spell revelations were quite shocking. One couple has been married over a year and hasn’t had sex YET! I’m wondering… why??? Seems like they need to go see some sort of doctor or something to get that there problem FIXED, man! Another listener shared that – why they know this, I don’t know! – their parents had been married for over 30 years and haven’t had sex for the last 17 years. A caller said he had been married for five years but, because they couldn’t get pregnant, his wife ixnayed the sex after two years of trying and being told it was impossible for them to create a baby together and thusly, he has not seen any action since.
So, my dry spell is going on… well… a very long time. Almost two years. In fact, most of my 30’s could have been counted as a dry spell. I spent my 30’s – the years when a woman is supposed to be at her peak – doing everything in my power to avoid relationships and, therefore, avoided getting close to anyone and, subsequently, also avoided sex – although avoiding sex wasn’t my objective, it was merely a symptom of my primary objective: avoid relationships at all costs! I didn’t really miss it. Or, at least, I told myself I didn’t miss it.
Looking back over my life, I have had a more arid life than most of my peers, I would imagine. And while I CAN see what the big deal is about, I do not berate myself for creating more opportunities to be… active… in that department. (I was going to be funny and use the word “wet” but that just seemed inappropriate so I resisted the urge to do so.) I’m not as super-invested in ending the dry spell as one would think I “should” be, though. When I listen to my friends go on about how hot their sex lives are I just listen, bemused and… well… kinda bored. Because, in all actuality, although they may make it sound all intriguing and… delightful, there IS more to life than S-E-X.
Or, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. And that could be because *I* am in a d-r-y spell.
