I am training my replacement… that young lady who was the “Kate Hudson look-alike” seems to be a perfect fit. She started last Friday and I am giving her all the knowledge I have so that one day she will be able to fly free on her own… as will I.
Presently, my life is going as fast as a bullet train. I feel like I am finally on the correct track – the track that is going to move me forward, toward my dreams. I feel excited and scared and happy all at the same time, which is a euphoric combo plate of emotions. It seems that I am riding in comfort and the scenery is just whizzing past me, full speed ahead, in a blur of inconsequential, undefined colors and swirls. There is no need for me to focus on what is beside me, outside those windows, because what lies ahead is what I am focused on. I am enjoying the peripheral swirling, whirling, brilliant blur of vibrancy and I am aware that all that matters to me is the “here and now” and what lies in front of me.
I am training myself to be who I am meant to be. I am breathing and listening and being curious. I feel excited that I am actually using the skills that I have been training in for several years now. I feel happy that I am seeing the results I have been promised I would see, if only I did what I knew to do. My catch, in the past, has been that I wouldn’t do that which I knew. I was happy with the thinking and the being and the creative brainstorming side of things – but the doing? That part was the difficult part for me. Call it lazy. Call it procrastinating. I don’t know what it was. I mostly call it fear.
As this train of mine speeds along the track and I continually upgrade my ticket, moving forward through the train, I am realizing that things that used to bother me no longer do. I am realizing that almost everything is not personal – things that people do or say “to me” are things that I can choose to internalize or I can choose to not. In rhythm with the clickety-clackety of the wheels on the track, I am breathing and choosing. Every moment is a choice.
I am speeding along and realizing that not everyone will agree with me. And that is okay. Not everyone will think like I do. And that is okay. Not everyone will see the picture as I see it. And that is okay. Not everyone is even going to like me. And, guess what! That is okay.
I finally like me; I even love me – such a vast improvement! I finally get that my train is my train and the ride can be lovely or uncomfortable. I am finally choosing to have a lovely, good time on this ride. I am finally loving where I am and who is with me. I am finally able to understand that there are those that will never be beside me – or will continually butt heads with me. In that moment, I can breathe and smile and realize that I am still okay.
I love my train!
