I dreamt of you last night and I realized, for the first time in my life, what it really feels like to be found.
I recognized the pull of energy, that sensation that whatever I am looking for is nearby. My skin prickled with recognition waiting to be realized and I raised my eyes in the direction of the pull. There you were. Your eyes met mine and lit up, just as I imagine mine did. You wended your way toward me, exuding such confidence and self-awareness that those you passed could not help but stop to gaze at you. You, however, were oblivious to them. You had your mark set and that was your only focus. Your mark was me.
You stepped before me, there amongst the crowds of people milling about in the lobby of some arena, and greeted me with assurance that it was your rightful place to do so. It seemed so natural, this meeting, and I knew from the first moment that my search, your search, our search was over.
Together we laughed and talked as if we had done so for lifetimes. We knew one another already, even though this was the first time we had laid eyes upon one another.
The crowds moved and we were swept up with the current of humanity. We were separated and I began the search with longing to find you again. I searched for hours, wandering the fair grounds, the parking lot, the hundreds of buildings and coloseums and auditoriums. Everywhere there were thousands of people, laughter, loud voices and, yet, inside me was silently still, focused. Everywhere I searched, I could feel you searching. I could feel you had been there, just before me. The sadness of separation tugged at me and continued to push me forward. Exhaustion. Sadness. Can’t go another step.
My father found me sitting upon a bench, staring forlornly at the dying roses beside me. I imagined those rose bushes were once very stunning, but now mirrored my sadness with their wilting death, the petals dropping in a sprinkling of pink and yellow.
“He found us,” Dad said. “Don’t be sad. I know where he is.”
I followed my dad feeling the sad longing turning to hopeful yearning. He threw open the gargantuan double doors of the building where you and I had first met and said, “He is over there. Go ahead.”
He left me to find you on my own, certain that I could do so. Each row I tried to venture down led me to a dead end. I felt frustration mounting as I continued to go forward and then had to turn around to go back to where I started. I was in a maze. There was no cheese. And the noise? It was escalating. I covered my ears and closed my eyes. Silence. Darkness.
Then there was a light, not visible but magnetic. I moved toward it, weaving in and out of the crowd, ducking under the upraised arms of waiters holding trays loaded with full champagne flutes. I scooted around shuffling brawls and tipping barstools. I ignored the sound of the sportscaster blasting through the room announcing, Daddy’s Pride is first by a nose!
And then, I found you. There you were, watching me find you, smiling broadly and sitting amongst my family as if you had always been there. Your blue eyes met mine and I knew that I was willing to be with you in your room forever.
