The father of one of my bestest friends was recently diagnosed with cancer far advanced in the fourth stage. He died peacefully a few days ago and today was his funeral. My friend is one of the most amazing people I know, who exhibits genuine kindness and love. He was born and raised in a Mormon household but has since departed the church. He and I have talked occasionally about our feelings about the church and usually, even though he is a gay man, he has had very little to say negatively about the religion’s views. I have always known my friend to be a gentle soul who is true to himself.
In the last two months, I have attended two funerals, both of which have been Mormon funerals. It is the only time I have been back inside a Mormon church building. As I was also born and raised Mormon and the majority of my society were in the same boat, there was only one funeral I attended that was not a Mormon funeral. That service was warm and full of anecdotes about the person whom we were there to remember. It was such a stark contrast to what I was accustomed to.
Lately, with these last two funerals, I have become achingly aware of the insidious nature of Mormon funerals. Each time, I have walked away feeling empty and drained from the experience. Today, it is laced with anger. My friend spoke in honor of his father and also played a most beautiful piano piece which he had written just for him. Being no longer Mormon, his talk was heartfelt and sincere, devoid of any of the preaching that followed.
I feel angry that the church views a person’s funeral as a moment to educate and, possibly, convert a captive audience. I was there to support my friend (as I was at the other funeral I recently attended). I had no desire to hear about the Plan of Salvation or the Three Tiers of the Kingdom of Heaven or that only those who have been Sealed will be one of the fortunate couples who receive exhaltation in the highest level of the highest kingdom. I don’t care. I am not there for a Sunday school lesson. I am imagining that others who are also not Mormon don’t care much either. And those who are Mormon have already heard the entire song and dance a gazillion times before, so they probably know it by rote and don’t care much either. This person’s funeral is just not the appropriate place to be waxing religious.
I have experienced these last two funerals, afterwards, in about the same light as I experienced Amway meetings or any other MLM meeting I have attended – and I have attended a lot of those. I realized today, as I drove away, that the reason Utah is the MLM capital of the nation is because there are so many Mormon’s here and they are used to this insidious behavior. Hey, I have this great opportunity for you… that could be followed by two men in ties and white shirts with short haircuts knocking upon your door and holding up a Book of Mormon for you, or it could also be easily followed by two men in ties and white shirts, maybe with short haircuts, standing in front of you with a white board drawing circles and talking about how a rut is simply a grave with the ends knocked out. (For those of you that don’t get that, don’t bother. For those of you who do, I wanna know if you ever said the words “I’m goin’ Diamond!” or “I’m all fired up!”)
Funerals, in general, are not the most pleasant of things. Perhaps wakes are, but I wouldn’t know because the society of my origin did not believe in that. Today, though, was especially aggravating for me. This funeral could have stopped after my friend’s tribute. It made sense to that point. It was about the person we were there to remember. Following his beautiful piano piece, in my humble opinion, we all went to hell in a hand basket via the Celestial Kingdom.
