For someone to judge another, they have to hold themselves away and separate from the other as a means of pointing out how the other is… the other. It happens all the time in religion, government, race, gender, sexuality, education, finances. Everywhere. We can see and hear it in social media, the news, movies, music. Time and again, judgment is enforced as the way to prove that “we” are “better” than “they” are.
But, even though we are constantly shown that we “need to” keep ourselves separate from those who are not like us, the greatest spiritual teachers have said to not do that. In fact, there are many scriptures, quotes, and parables about judgment and not doing it. For instance, “Do not judge a book by its cover,” or “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself,” which was said by Dr. Wayne Dyer. And anyone who has grown up in a Christian-based environment is familiar with the oft-repeated scripture, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” (Matthew 7:1)
So, what does it mean to not be judgmental? And how can we humans live without judgment while standing up for what we believe is right? Because, I mean… if I believe something is right, doesn’t that mean that its opposite is wrong?
Not necessarily. And this concept is mind bending, really.
Let me share with you a story that illustrates my experience of living a non-judgmental life, as a means of helping you understand what I mean.
As you probably already know, I am an Energy Reader and Healer. I can be found several times a week at Dancing Cranes Imports Store in Salt Lake City, Utah, for readings and healing sessions. This gift I have and the work I do require me to be a space of complete non-judgment so that Spirit can speak through me. For people to be comfortable in my space, I must be able to See, Hear, and Sense them with clarity. I cannot hold myself separate from them through judgment. And the common feedback I receive from clients is that they felt safe and as though I had absolutely no judgment about them.
Nearly two decades of doing this work has given me a lot of practice. So, when I recently was approached by a young lady who was riddled with shame, I was grateful that I was fully capable of being a space of love and acceptance for her. She was dressed provocatively and was, somehow, all at once self-conscious and confident about it. It was the most interesting combination of energy I have experienced for a while.
When she sat down with me, she was incredibly guarded. She wouldn’t reveal a lot and her questions were so vague, I couldn’t get a read on her. I could sense her Spirit Guides pacing back and forth behind her, as though they wanted to speak, but they couldn’t find an opening. So, I kept asking questions and I kept listening.
As we talked, she admitted that she did “illegal” work, but she loved it. With that statement and the combination of her outfit and her energy, signals went off that alerted me that we needed to dig deeper.
Gently, I asked more questions and she finally leaned forward and whispered, “If I tell you, will you have me arrested?”
“The only way I would have you arrested is if you told me you are an assassin on your way to murder someone right now and then you revealed your plans to me.”
She giggled and sighed, blurting her truth, “I do body rubs.”
“Do you mean massage?” I asked.
“Welllll… sorta…” she said, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.
“Do you mean massages with happy endings?” I asked it without blinking and also knowing that if that was the kind of work she was doing, then she really had to be hiding so she didn’t get arrested.
In Utah, any sort of sexual touching in the name of massage is highly illegal; I know this because I am a massage therapist. I am also an Energy Healer who has worked with Utah legislation to protect the healing arts. I kept those facts to myself, knowing that if she knew at that point that I was a massage therapist, she would clam up and maybe, even, leave.
“No. Not… always… like that.” She shifted in her seat again, completely uncomfortable with her truths. “I do massages, but I don’t have a license to do so, and more often, my work is just… sorta… like… cuddling.”
Divine love instantly flowed through me. I knew exactly what she was talking about. I have several friends in the “professional hugging” industry and those who even do “cuddle parties,” which tend to be more sexual in nature. When I was in massage school, several of us would gather together on our breaks, line up a few of the massage tables or put yoga mats on the floor, and we would spoon up – fully clothed – to just absorb contentment and joy from one another’s presence, so I know the healing power of that cuddling. I gained a clear understanding of the power of “puppy piles” – a bunch of teens gathering together to just be close – when I was working in middle school and high school theatre. One of the bonding exercises they did was called “puppy piles” because of the innocent nature of a bunch of kids in a lazy pile being in close contact with other humans for no other purpose than experiencing healthy, non-sexual, human touch.
Humans need to be touched. They need it. When they don’t have it, their bodies start breaking down. There have been countless, heartbreaking studies in orphanages where there is no human touch for the babies and how many of them barely survive and how many die, literally, from lack of touch.
So, when she shared with me that she provided that service, I cried tears of joy and gratitude. I reached across the space to grab her hands and said, “Thank you for your courage to provide a service that is so harshly judged, but so emphatically needed. Thank you!”
Her eyes grew wide and she burst into tears, sobbing and hiccuping with the onslaught of emotions. For a few moments, I held the space for her to cry and when she regained control of her voice, she said quietly, “No one, other than my clients, has seen that or said anything like that to me before. Even though I love what I do and cannot imagine doing anything else right now, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by everyone’s judgment of what I do. But… these men need my services. One of them recently told me that he had planned his suicide for later that night and the only thing that had stopped him was he saw my ad…”
Now, here is the difference between judgment and allowance…
Allowance was how I handled that situation. Even though I know the law here, I am able to see the power of her work because I am committed to being a space of non-judgment. I am able to see and honor her for incredibly courageous work. She is on a difficult path, but it is a line of work that many humans benefit from. I am grateful she does it. It isn’t in alignment with my path, but I know the importance of it and it is in alignment with her path, so I am profoundly grateful that she is willing to walk that path.
Conversely, I am a legally licensed massage therapist. I know that her business is illegal, according to the laws of Utah. If I were being judgmental, I would have immediately reported her to the State and had her investigated because she, according to my license, is illegal. If I were being judgmental, I could have called her a whore, I could have shamed her further, I could have contributed to the pain she was feeling by emphasizing how “less than” me she is because she doesn’t have a license and because her work is illegal – and immoral, according to anyone that has any sort of religious background.
That would have been really crappy customer service.
Moreover, that would have been the most unloving and inhumane way for me to behave toward any human, customer or not.
The thing is, the work she is called to do – her truth – is not yet accepted by many people as “legitimate,” but that doesn’t make it any less valid or important. I mean, chiropractors for many years were called “quacks,” but it didn’t make their service any less potent for their patients. Her work is needed and I know it is life saving, even if she hadn’t shared with me the story of her suicidal client.
Our world is starving for healthy, non-sexual human touch and she is providing that on a very intimate level. Her work is very different from my work and that difference, alone, could be the only ground needed for me to stand on to judge her, if I wanted to. Doing so would separate us from one another and would also limit my ability to see the Divine within her.
Judgment closes us to the Divine. Any time we look at another and see that they are “more” or “less” than us, we are in judgment. Any time we look at another and see their difference and then say they are “good” or “bad” because of that difference, we are in judgment. Any time we look at their skin color, the contents of their wallet, the gender of the hand they are holding, the letters after their name or lack thereof, and then say they are “better” or “worse” than us, we are in judgment. And when we act on any of those judgments, we feed the divisiveness that is far too rampant in this world, which increases the fight energy.
Allowing another their own truth – even if it morally clashes with your own – is the ultimate Divine move. And it is how the human race will succeed. Because, in the end, we are all ONE. And what you do is important in so many ways.
Thank you for being you and I invite you to open your eyes and go through life asking yourself with each person you encounter, “How can I see you through the eyes of Love?” Because, my friend, LOVE is UNIFYING, which is the counter of judgment.
Hence the reason we have been counseled to love one another.
