One day, my daughter and I were discussing an article her friend had posted on Facebook. “Nationwide, men wait an average of 49 minutes before receiving an analgesic for acute abdominal pain,” the author of the article, Joe Fassler, wrote. “Women wait an average of 65 minutes for the same thing.” The article went on to talk about how Fassler’s wife’s experience of ovarian torsion was a 12-hour excruciating ordeal in the ER before actual help started happening and 14.5 hours before the life-saving surgery. Most women would have died in that time.
The article alarmed both of us. We spoke at lengths about the line that said, “Women are likely to be treated less aggressively until they prove that they are as sick as male patients,” and how categorically unfair – wrong – that was. I didn’t even know what ovarian torsion was until she and I began talking about this article. When she explained to me what it was, I had an overwhelming desire to double over in empathetic pain.
No more than a few days later, I got a text from her, “I’ve been experiencing pain in my lower abdomen since yesterday morning, so I’m a little worried.”
Immediately, Momma Bear alarms started firing. For her to be a “little worried,” I knew the pain had to be a lot worse than she was owning up to. We’re talking about a girl who, when she was 16, she went through 24 hours of near-10 level pain, while saying it “wasn’t that bad” before she copped to it and I took her to the ER for a 24-hour ordeal before we discovered her appendix was only seconds away from bursting. So, for her to say anything and to claim that it was at a 5-7 level of pain, I knew it was closer to 10-14.
That it was in her lower abdomen, a little left of center – where only the ovary and the colon reside – I was way freaked out. Words from our conversation about ovarian torsion haunted me – and her, she finally admitted.
The Urgent Care nurses were awesome, kind, and efficient. When the doctor walked in, I nearly jumped up and hugged him; he was a reincarnation of my Grandpa Vic, I swear! However, after he did a rather superficial examination with her clothes on – listening to her lungs, heart, and bowels, as well as palpitating and thumping various points on her abdomen, he diagnosed her with constipation.
My brain sorta flat-lined at that moment. My daughter has level-7 pain because of constipation?!
Now, I would have been able to accept that if she hadn’t pooped for a while. But she had pooped. I could have also accepted it if the laxative he prescribed had alleviated the pain and helped her do more than fart. It hadn’t. She was still resting at a level-5 pain. However, her urinalysis came back clear, she wasn’t running a fever, and there was no sign of infection. So, he could see no other option.
Since she’s 19 1/2, I had to rely on her to know her own body. I chose to step back and simply… wait. It was what she wanted. And I’m hoping that, since we’re still in the middle of this experience, that the waiting will be beneficial.
At any rate, during this experience, she and I have done a lot of talking. Since she has chosen, like me, to do a food cleanse – albeit hers is less aggressive than mine – to eliminate inflammation in the system, we were talking about how our bodies respond to the healthy shift in diet. I said, at one point, “Maybe this pain you’re experiencing is a symptom of your cleanse. When people choose to shift their diets, it often results in monumental pain at some point as the toxins clean out and the body attempts to remember what wholeness and health feels like.”
And then, after I said it, I posted a cryptic statement to my Facebook wall:
I had no notion as to what the responses would be; I didn’t even give it another thought after I posted it. However, the responses were varied – some being a touch combative – and others being dismissive. It was a cryptic note, so I understand why I called in ambiguous feedback and it is my own creation that I did receive such feedback. I will share with you here my clarifying response:
My statement wasn’t a conclusion. It was an observation I’ve made in all different sorts of healing situations… like… when a bone is healing itself, the pain increases on the day it is mending the fibers. When a relationship is over, there is immense heartache until the heart heals and the human moves on. When a person decides to do a food cleanse (which I’m currently doing) to eliminate the systemic inflammation, the human body goes through really painful days that has made me nearly give up over the last two weeks because I was in so much pain and turmoil. In labor and delivery of a newborn, the transition from 6-7 (I think it is) is THE MOST painful of the transitions, but after that, it seems like nothing at all. In business, before success happens – especially for solo entrepreneurs who do not have partners backing them up – there is a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of unending work, and a lot of self-questioning that is painful.
A lot of the reasons why people begin seeking healing avenues is because their atmosphere – internally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, or whatever – has crashed into the deepest pain, darkest abyss, and seemingly hopeless situations. They hurt so much, they HAVE to do something. And when it comes to healing from abuse, often times, it takes many, many tries for them to move away from and out of abuse because the fear FAR outweighs the pain and misery they are experiencing in the relationship.
I have had heard umpteen times from my brave clients, “This becoming aware and waking up hurts worse than anything I have had to face. All the loss, all the destruction, all the change that has happened in this process… if I had known that it would be this painful, I wouldn’t have started it.”
Maybe the stress on ALL made it look like a conclusion, but based on my life experience and the experience of working with hundreds of clients… there has always been a moment in their healing process when the pain was almost too much, seemingly worse than the pain they were experiencing BEFORE they began their healing process, and in that moment, giving up looks like the best option. AND I also know that, on the other side of that excruciating moment, there is liberation and healing.
In the end, my Dear Sensitives, what this post about is to remind you that YOU are a powerful creator. Truly. When you are in any form of pain, it is a message that something is out of alignment. You have the power – and are connected to people who can support that – to heal yourself. And when you are choosing to heal, there could come a time when you are questioning yourself and thinking it would be more beneficial to quit. At that moment, especially, it is important that you breathe deeply and remind yourself: YOU GOT THIS.
On the other side of that pain IS liberation.
I promise.
